That's an incredibly disingenuous comparison. The Miata is a two-passenger roadster, and one of the lightest cars on the road. The Model 3 is a 4-door sedan.

I tried to think of a fun car that goes fast and a thicc hatchback that can carry stuff, because the Tesla is kinda both :D

A 4 door luxury sedan would be a better comparison. For example, an Audi A4 has a 3700 lbs curb weight.

Also, since road damage scales at something like axle weight ^ 4th, balance issues could completely override the 300 lbs difference in mass.

For example, if the Tesla 3 can have 2 axles each with 2036 lbs/axle (because there is no ICE weighing down the front), it could theoretically be less damaging to roads than an ICE that has one heavy axle and one light axle.

22036^4 = (x 3700)^4 + ((1-x) * 3700)^4. Solving for x = 63%, so if more than 63% of an Audi A4s weight is on the front axle, it will be approximately worse than a balanced Tesla 3 for road wear and tear.

ICE vehicles aren’t front-heavy like that, it would be terrible for braking performance.

The Audi A4 from my example is apparently 55/45 front/rear weight, but I wouldn't be surprised if some trucks like a F150 or something was closer to 63/37. Of course, people who drive those things end up having to put artificial loads into the rear to make up for the weight distribution during inclement weather.

Model 3 SR+ is 3627 lbs